Boundaries Are Not Optional

After suffering retaliation, erasure, isolation, and having the very identity I built over my entire adult life stripped away — being a physician, being someone who takes care of people — I reached the lowest emotional point I’ve ever known.

And when you are trying to survive something like that, you learn a hard truth:

The old version of you cannot survive here.

The Old Me Wouldn’t Have Made It

The old me —

the people-pleaser,

the one who said yes when she wanted to say no,

the one afraid to disappoint,

the one who tolerated mistreatment because she didn’t want to be “difficult” —

she would not have made it through this.

I had to become someone new. Someone honest. Someone fierce. Someone who knew that boundaries aren’t rudeness — they are oxygen.

When the Helpers Become the Harmers

I was sitting there, trying to get mental health support after a near-violence incident, and instead of compassion, I was threatened with “violating leave.” I was told I was “confused.” I was dismissed by people calling themselves a ministry.

And in that moment, I stopped asking,

“Why are they treating me like this?”

And started asking,

“How do I survive the way they are treating me?”

That answer was boundaries.

Boundaries with everyone.

Employer.

Family.

Friends.

Children.

Anyone who contributed to the harm — even unintentionally.

The Boundaries That Saved Me

Family

When I tried to explain the irrational, dangerous behavior happening around me and someone said I was “paranoid,” that was fine — they could think what they wanted. But me, my kids, and my animals?

We were leaving.

We were not going to stay to find out “what if.”

My Mother

When she told me I talked about it too much and needed to “get over it,” while I was still actively being retaliated against — that was her boundary.

But I have mine.

And even my mama had to be “on ice” for a while.

Because pretending I wasn’t drowning was not an option.

HR

When the HR “frenemy” kept emailing me snide threats and attempts at control — while I was unpaid, unprotected, and blocked from working — those emails went straight to archive.

Blocked. Muted. Done.

Administrators

When the practice administrator told me I couldn’t speak at a Black church about stroke prevention “in my capacity as a provider,” even though they refused to pay me as one?

Absolutely not.

You don’t get to silence me and starve me at the same time.

My Own Daughter

And yes, even my daughter — who I love more than life — had to stay with her aunt for a while when her behavior became so disruptive that it jeopardized my mental health.

Because love is not permission to self-destruct.

Boundaries Are Survival

People think boundaries are selfish.

But boundaries are what stands between:

being erased… and being seen

being broken… and rebuilding

being destroyed… and still being here

The old me could not have survived what was done to me.

The new me is here because I learned that boundaries are not optional.